The blonde wonder

"Untitled"

2005-06-04T17:10:00.000+12:00

I open my eyes

I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light

I can’t remember how

I can’t remember why

I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain

And I can’t make it go away

No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes

I’ve got no where to run

The night goes on

As I’m fading away

I’m sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming

I try to make a sound but no one hears me

I’m slipping off the edge

I’m hanging by a thread

I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered

And I can’t explain what happened

And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done

No I can’t

How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes

I’ve got no where to run

The night goes on

As I’m fading away

I’m sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes

I’ve got no where to run

The night goes on

As I’m fading away

I’m sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

"Underneath This Smile"

2005-05-24T20:54:00.000+12:00

What I'm standing on is sinking in

And I don't have a clue how to get off of it

But when I look at you there is hope

It's like you see the sadness in my eyes

You read the blue between the lines

You could be the one to hold me when I wanna cry

Underneath this smile

My world is slowly caving in

All the whileI'm hanging on

Cause that is all I know

Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?

I've been hiding out for miles

Underneath this smile

I have walked this earth with broken bones

I've been keeping secrets under all these lights

But when you're around my defenses go

You don't let me run away from you

You don't let me twist and turn the truth

It feels as if I'm naked when you're standing in the room

Underneath this smile

My world is slowly caving in

All the whileI'm hanging on instead of letting go

Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?

I've been hiding out for miles

Underneath this smile

Oh, yeah

Underneath this smile

My world is slowly caving in

All the while

I'm hanging on instead of letting go

Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?

Underneath this smile

Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?

I've been hiding out for miles

Underneath this

Underneath this smile

What I'm standing on is sinking in

Can't you see?

2005-05-09T19:57:00.000+12:00

Can't you see? Don't you care

I want to die?

Don't you listen?

Can't you hear my silent cry?

Won't you turn?

Can't you hold me to your heart?

Are you afraid of what might follow once you start?
Would you rather not believe

I'm in such pain that all your sense and good advicemust be in vain?

Would you rather tell yourself

I'll be OK,

And all this adolescent angst

Will go away?
Ah!

Would I also swim across

This Lake alone!

But if you cannot swim with me,

I know I'll drown.

You.Hurt.Me

2005-05-09T19:49:00.000+12:00

Your words...

They hurt me.

.Your insults..

They scar me...

you don't know what you do.

You call me stupid...

you tell me

Here we go again...

you and your fuckin mistakes.

Do you honestly think that doesn't hurt?

Your supposed to be the one always there for me

the one I look up tothe one who never insults...

never puts me down...

the one who cares...

how can you look me in the eye

and call me stupid

you are breaking me down..

Slowly...

piece by piece..

.one day I will be nothing

then you will see what you have done

I thought for once

you could be the one I could trust..

I could actually build the relationship

my friends had with there figured as you...

but then I realized...

never could I...

for these scars you've left...

by your words...

you’re screaming...

run far too deep.....

Another Cut

2005-04-26T17:45:00.000+12:00

Another cut,

another day why do I hurt myself this way?

Just to see another day Until I feel I have to pay,

The razor slips and pierces my skin,

As it slices, so thick and thin

How can all this pain be held within?

The rage, starts getting stronger, as I cut for even longer,

when will this ever end?

But you don’t need to bother.

A tear, streams to my chin, as the pain within, only acts like a pin.

Piercing my heart,

with nowhere to depart,

but only to take a dart and try a new start.

Could this be the end?

Or do I turn to a friend?

As the sun rises up,

I've all but given up why am I so fucked up?

And again, I pierce my skin, as the pain within,

Starts all over again.

The razor drops,

I walk to the door, to face some more.

Why won’t this all end?

All I need is a friend.

Will you miss when I am gone?

2005-04-26T17:34:00.000+12:00

Will you miss when I am gone?

Dead and buried with nothing on.

Do you think of me in any way?

Or just when you are needing to play?

I cannot tell, your day is like my night.

I'm an after thought and that ain’t right.

A mere spot, a droplet of invisible ink.

Have I got it right? What do you think?

I am fading away but you're blind, you don’t see.

You say get a prayer, get laid, or maybe a movie.

You want me yet you push me farther away.

You try to tell me what to do and that's not ok.

Too bad you never see that I cry.

Too bad you never see your lies.

Too bad we are on the road to destruction.

Too bad we are fighting and fussing.

You don’t have a clue as to the things you do

.If you are not careful it will all come back to you.

So I ask, will you miss me when I am gone?

Dead and buried with no clothes on.

"Underneath This Smile"

2005-04-26T17:27:00.000+12:00

What I'm standing on is sinking in

And I don't have a clue how to get off of it

But when I look at you there is hope

It's like you see the sadness in my eyes

You read the blue between the lines

You could be the one to hold me when I wanna cry

Underneath this smile

My world is slowly caving in

All the whileI'm hanging on

Cause that is all I know

Could you be the one to save me from every bad habit that has helped me dig this hole?

I've been hiding out for miles

Underneath this smile

I have walked this earth with broken bones

I've been keeping secrets under all these lights

But when you're around my defenses go

You don't let me run away from you

You don't let me twist and turn the truth

It feels as if I'm naked when you're standing in the room

What would you see

2005-04-13T22:42:00.000+12:00

If you looked into my eyes what would you see?

Would you see my tears?

Sleepless nights?

Over-played songs?

Suicide notes?

Razors covered in blood?

Me left to drown in my own misery?

So afraid to live...

but unable to die?

Probably not.

Because in your world there is happiness,

smiles and sunshine

and you can't see past it

you are the greatest person in the world to me

and you treat me like a princess

but I am a "friend"

and you don't know the silent battle

I'm slowly losing with my

heart...

Voices in my Head

2005-04-13T22:38:00.000+12:00

The voices in my head

I try not to do what they just said

They yell inside my mind

Telling me to try and find

A way to get a spine

I'm really not afraid

Except for the blade

For now I shall lay

Away from the day

If I end up dead

Please tell the voices in my head

Stop yelling,

stop trying to tell me what to do

Because I am no longer part of them.

2005-04-06T22:46:00.000+12:00

How do you pick up the threads of an old life?

How do you go on?

When in your heart you begin to understand.

There is no going back.

There are some things that time cannot mend,

some hurts that go too deep,

that have taken hold.

"Forgotten" Avril Lavigne

2005-04-04T19:37:00.000+12:00

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ahI

'm giving up on everything

Because you messed me up

Don't know how much you

Screwed it up

You never listened

That's just too bad

Because I'm moving on

I won't forget

You were the one that was wrong

I know I need to step up and be strong

Don't patronize me

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

[Chorus:]

Have you forgotten Everything that I wanted

Do you forget it now

You never got It

Do you get it now

Yea yea yea yea yea

Ah ah ah ah

Gotta get away

There's no point in thinking about yesterday

It's too late nowIt won't ever be the same

We're so different now

Yea yea yea yea yea

[Chorus]

I know I wanna run away

Run away

If only I could run away

Run awayI told you what i wanted

I told you what i wanted

What I wanted

But I was forgotten

I won't be forgotten

Never Again

"Fall To Pieces" Avril Lavigne

2005-04-04T19:25:00.000+12:00

I looked away

Then I look back at you

You try to say

The things that you can't undo

If I had my way

I'd never get over you

Today's the dayI pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall

Make it through it all

[Chorus:]

And I don't wanna fall to pieces

I just want to sit and stare at you

I don't want to talk about it

And I don't want a conversation

I just want to cry in front of you

I don't want to talk about it

Cuz I'm in Love With you

You're the only one,

I'd be with till the end

When I come undone

You bring me back again

Back under the stars

Back into your arms

[Chorus]

Wanna know who you are

Wanna know where to start

I wanna know what this means

Wanna know how you feel

Wanna know what is real

I wanna know everything, everything

[Chorus]

I'm in love with you

Cuz i'm in love with you

I'm in love with you

10 things I hate about u

2005-03-30T22:52:00.000+12:00

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair.
I hate the way you drive my car, I hate the way you stare.
I hate your big dumb combat boots. and the way you read my mind.
I hate you so much it makrs me sick, it even makes me rhyme.
I hate the way you're always right, I hate it when you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it that you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you, not even close, not even a little bit,
Not even at all.

Angel in Disguise

2005-03-10T20:23:00.000+13:00

As we lie here on this bed,
my face buried in your chest;
the feeling that I'm getting,
doesn't feel like all the rest.
I look up at you,
and stare into your eyes.
I realize you're an angel;
an angel in disguise.
I notice the dimples,
you get when you smile.
i really like this feeling.
Let's stay here for a while.
Your breathing blows my hair back;
I feel it gently brush my face.
Your arms are wrapped around me,
as I welcome your every embrace.
Boy,you seem so perfect;
it's like you've never told a lie.
I think you really must be,
an angel in disguise.

I Laugh; You Laugh. I Like You

2005-03-10T20:18:00.000+13:00

A few lucky guesses brings a smile to your face.
You laugh as if I have you figured out.
I don't have a clue. But it's all worth it. I am smiling, too. I haven't stopped since I saw you.
Worried about what my response might be, you answer my silly, but intentional questions with "I don't know." But you do. I laugh. You laugh.
The truth comes out. I wish to watch the words roll off your lips like-- your lips; I stop.
How I long to kiss your lips and feel your hands woven tightly in mine.
But as we walked, I kept my hands, and my lips, to myself. (Although it killed me far more than you will ever know.)
I like it. I like you. I like the way I feel- the way you've made me feel. I don't want you to stop.

Another Suicidal Thought

2005-03-10T20:11:00.000+13:00

So the knife is on the dresser; the dresser's beside the bed.
My patience is growing thinner, as there's no use for me to live.
I only wish to be with him- nothing more and nothing less.
But we can't be together, so I put myself to rest.
Written in my blood, above where my body lies, is my tombstone on the ground, and this is what's inscribed:
"The blood came fast. It poured out from my heart.
All the pain I felt, just tore me apart. no one understands, or even knows why.
I was hurting so much, therefore I ended my life.
He's all that I wanted, so wait is what I did.
But time is short, and my time has been spent.
I loved him more than anything; we were meant to be together. But now I am here, and will lay alone... forever."

Am I crazy?

2005-03-10T19:43:00.000+13:00

I have thourght about it many of times lately, if I crazy, nothing makes sense any more, I should be happy, I have great friends and I' m moving out of home.
But i'm not, I feel that I don't belong here, I feel I shouldn't be here. Every body has a purpose in life, I feel like I don't have one that I'm destined to be unhappy & alone.
I just want someone 2 want me, and be happy with that, just someone who understands.
I just want 2 be loved.

ARGHHHHH, I hate work, all I heard 2day was people moaning & grizzling how stressfull there jobs are, its like we get paid to work, what do they expect to be able to sit around and talk all day?

why can't I just fell happy for once?

2005-03-09T22:06:00.000+13:00

Today Claire, Luke, Alex and myself went and looked at a flat to live in and it was perfect, hopefully we will be able to move in by the weekend.
I can't wait to move out of home and have some freedom.
I feel so out of it lately, so depressed, so I'm hoping I can sort my head out with some freedom and I can stop huting myself.
Some part of me wishes that I had just stayed in Aussie with Dad it would have been so much easier, yet I couldn't do it something is keeping me here and I would like to know what it is cause I can't go on for much longer.
I feel like I'm holding on to some sort of false hope, like some sort of mircale is going to happen, like I'm going to wake up some morning and be a size 10, and happy. ( like thats ever going to happen).
I have no idea of what I am doing this weekend, I don't feel like going out, drinking and making an idiot out of myself like I usually do ( which is weired considering that last saturday I behaved myself compared to what I am usaully like)
Well now I'm starting ramble on so I'm going to piss off and go to bed not that it will help, I can't sleep cause I'm so confused with my life at the moment and I need a man!!

LIFE SUCKS

2005-03-08T19:59:00.000+13:00

Hell is where I am, so dark, so cold, so lonely
No one else is here, I am the one and only

I sit here in the dark and think of my sad life
I should have ended all of it when I had the knife

Why was I the chosen one, taken to this place?
Maybe, cause to people I mean nothing,
I was born the world to disgrace

I hurt inside real bad, no one cares to see my tears
I have no happy feelings in me, I haven't for 21 years.

Nothing makes me happy, that's not the way it goes
I hide all my pain with a fake smile... I'll never let it show

People will never see exactly who I am
And even if they cared to try, they'd never understand

So, for now, I'll sit here all alone, isolated from the world forever lifeless, depressed and full of tears...

One Thinks they have had enough

2005-03-08T19:52:00.000+13:00

Im not one to talk much about my past, In fact I hate telling people about me and my life I don't like letting people in, just so they can hurt me. So what ever possesed me to think that some one actually cared?

If you looked into my eyes what would you see?
Would you see my tears?
Sleepless nights?
Over-played songs?
Suicide notes?
Razors covered in blood?
Me left to drown in my own misery?
So afraid to live...but unable to die?
Probably not.
Because in your world there is happiness, smiles and sunshine
and you can't see past it
you are the greatest person in the world to me
and you treat me like a princess
but I am a "friend"
and you don't know the silent battle I'm slowly losing with my heart...

IM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-03-07T20:19:00.000+13:00

Interesting weekend had party at Amandas on Saturday.
Claire rang to see if we can go flat hunting on Wednesday afternoon, Mum asked when I wuld be moving out I said within in 2 weeks. I think I just started world war 3.

I can't wait to get out of home, thats what half my problem is, its my mum. shes so controlling and she makes me crazy.
See now Im starting to miss my Dad.

Not hell has been going on, but I seem to be busy, keeps me from thinking about everything.

JOHNNY

2005-03-03T21:46:00.000+13:00

JOHNNY
Originally uploaded by The Blonde wonder.

JOHNNY,JOHNNY, JOHNNY. I don't think I can say much more.

Free

2005-03-03T21:16:00.000+13:00

Its late a night, as I hold my teddy tight.
I cry myslef to sleep, as the memories
I keep still locked inside, I still need to hide.
The hurt that I put away.
I don't want to stay, I need to set it free.
So Free I can be.

YOU

2005-03-03T21:01:00.000+13:00

I never really liked you,
I never really cared,
untill I felt your terror,
upon me you just stared.
I can't believe your've done this,
I can't believe you dared.
Its not untill you killed yourself,
That others found they care.

shattered

2005-03-03T20:46:00.001+13:00

She sits alone, crying
No one to hear or listen to her problems,
Not that it matters, they can't be fixed, now.
She sits alone, covered in her own blood.
Her wrists are slit,
It hurts, But its better than living,
She sits alone, leaning against the wall, the tills are cold,
So is she, She has given up, She is dead.
Shattered

2005-03-03T20:46:00.000+13:00

2005-03-01T18:58:00.000+13:00

The Rose, Bette Midler

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed
Some say Love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only rose.

Its the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance
Its the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
Its the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
And the road has been to long
And you think love is only for the
Lucky and the strong.
Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snow
lies the seed that with the suns love
In the spring becomes the Rose

Sydney cathedral

2005-02-28T21:04:00.000+13:00

Sydney cathedral
Originally uploaded by The Blonde wonder.

I would so love a house like this

this is the Tattoo I want to get on my lower back

2005-02-28T20:57:00.000+13:00

this is the Tattoo I want to get on my lower back
Originally uploaded by The Blonde wonder.

I found this Pic on the cover of a book and now I really want to get this Phenox on my lower back

Friend to Friend

2005-02-28T20:41:00.000+13:00

I know how sad your feeling,
and how hard life can be.
This poem is to remind you,
you have a friend in me.
I won't tell you to "lie" to "smile" and to be "brave".
But the true path to happiness
you alone can pave.
I wish all your dreams to come true,
you'll realise life will go on,
even when you doubt.
I see the tears well in your eyes,
and I wish that you would see,
That every time you hurt yourslef,
you take a piece of me.

2005-02-28T20:33:00.000+13:00

2005-02-27T19:46:00.000+13:00

Ok hi every one,

this is my first post just to c if it actually works